You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
