I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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