New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
