After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
