i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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