she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
