I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
