Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
