I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
