CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
