I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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