I just cut my nipple shaving
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
