You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
