Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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