she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
