a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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