I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
