i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
