I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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