I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Actions speak louder than pants.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
