Porn is love you can see.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
