Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
