so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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