you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
