I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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