i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
