Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
His nipple licking is glorious
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