God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
