How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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