your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
