What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
