So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
