pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
