A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
