i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
