Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Come see our sink grown plant.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
