you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just invented taco cereal.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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