I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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