Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
