note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
