Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
