Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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