shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
