i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
