I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
