So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
