those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
