next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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