No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
