She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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