Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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