i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
