the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
