if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am naked and annoyed.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
