i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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