You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
