Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
