Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
