End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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