Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
