ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
