Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
