you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
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so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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